Stop giving unsolicited advice. It's one of the fastest ways to shut down a conversation.
A favorite passage from Patrick King's book The Art of Captivating Conversation says not to give advice unless someone specifically asks for it, otherwise just listen. I've started asking people whether they want advice or just a place to think out loud before I jump to solutions.
This is my favorite part of Patrick King’s book 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘈𝘳𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘊𝘢𝘱𝘵𝘪𝘷𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘊𝘰𝘯𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯:
”𝗜𝗳 𝘀𝗼𝗺𝗲𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝗶𝘀 𝗮𝘀𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗮𝗱𝘃𝗶𝗰𝗲, 𝗹𝗲𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗺 𝗮𝘀𝗸 𝘀𝗽𝗲𝗰𝗶𝗳𝗶𝗰𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗲𝘅𝗽𝗹𝗶𝗰𝗶𝘁𝗹𝘆. 𝗢𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿𝘄𝗶𝘀𝗲, 𝘀𝗵𝘂𝘁 𝘂𝗽. 𝗜𝗳 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝗱𝗼𝗻’𝘁 𝗮𝘀𝗸 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘀𝗽𝗲𝗰𝗶𝗳𝗶𝗰 𝗮𝗱𝘃𝗶𝗰𝗲 𝗼𝗿 𝘀𝗽𝗲𝗰𝗶𝗳𝗶𝗰 𝘀𝗼𝗹𝘂𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀, 𝗯𝗲 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗯𝗲𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗮 𝘀𝗶𝗺𝗽𝗹𝗲 𝘀𝗼𝘂𝗻𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗯𝗼𝗮𝗿𝗱.”
It’s easy for us to jump straight into solution-mode, but true support often means active listening first.
𝗕𝗲𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗼𝗳𝗳𝗲𝗿 𝗮 𝘀𝗼𝗹𝘂𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻, 𝗮𝘀𝗸: “Are you looking for advice right now, or just a place to vent and think out loud?”
𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗚𝗼𝗮𝗹: In a world full of people trying to be the smartest person in the room, the 𝚖̲𝚘̲𝚜̲𝚝̲ ̲𝚙̲𝚘̲𝚠̲𝚎̲𝚛̲𝚏̲𝚞̲𝚕̲ ̲𝚝̲𝚑̲𝚒̲𝚗̲𝚐̲ ̲𝚢̲𝚘̲𝚞̲ ̲𝚌̲𝚊̲𝚗̲ ̲𝚋̲𝚎̲ ̲𝚒̲𝚜̲ ̲𝚝̲𝚑̲𝚎̲ ̲𝚋̲𝚎̲𝚜̲𝚝̲ ̲𝚕̲𝚒̲𝚜̲𝚝̲𝚎̲𝚗̲𝚎̲𝚛̲.̲